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#ASKTounEpisode 4- Who do I choose?

#ASKTounEpisode 4- Who do I choose?

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Welcome to another episode of #AskToun Series, where Olatoun Ayoola answers your questions on ‘Sex, Relationship & Marital Issues’. To get your question answered on this blog, write to her using the hashtag #AskToun!



– Episode  Questions –




Im a single mother of 32years. my story is somehow lenghty bt Aunty please help me summarize it.ur advice is very much needed for me not to make a wrong decision,when i was in secondary school,there was this quy in my class dat was trying to make me his girlfriend but then i was very afraid of havin a boyfriend who was a muslim,truout the school day i didnt accept him,in year 2001 we finish from secondary school.




then i was working after school wit an eatry. in 2007 i met a quy dat promised me everything and i also love him back in return.we gave room to Sex and along d line i got pregnant for him and imediately after i told him i was pregnant,he rejected me n said he wasnt responsible for the baby,dat how can he accept dat he is d owner,so he told his mother abt it and d mother said we cant marry each other dat his son has already gotten someone to marry.




That was how i took responsibility of my baby n wit d help of my parent  Things where goin on well wit me and my baby. so one day,i ran into the hand of my muslim friend dat we were in d same class den in d secondary school and he was very happy seeing  me wit my baby,so he was like he was suppose to be d one dat owns the baby n stuff like dat,so i broke down in tears n so i narrated d story behind my motherhood to him and he consoled me n told me dat he will assist me to train my baby so  he came to my house bringin tinz for my baby  and me.




Bt my mum does not like him at all becos of d religion,so i was just tryin not to push him away again,so wit the help of my parent i got admission after i gave birth into the university and i also did my degree,so during my IT i met an Igbo quy dat shows me love n care he promise me marriage bt this guy is a flirt,he sleeps around wit anytin on skirt and whenever i catch him he will start cryin n beggin  me dat im all he has got,its den dats he wit fall sick or he might tell me dat he has an accident,he might even come to my house to beg




Me,iv been tired of all his excuses,even when we are walkin together on d road he will stop n be lookin at d person n wen i draw is attention back,he will say he love ladies wit big boobs asin breast.weve dated for 4yrs now,n  my problem now is i dont knw who to choose among the 2 of dem maybe d muslim guy dat stood by me for like 13yrs now or d igbo quy of 4yrs,please i need ur advise n dat of our people.d religion is wat is holdin me back from d other quy and I feel age is not on my side .






When it comes to the choice of who to marry , the decision should be made  with utmost  care and with guidance from God because you will spend the rest of your life with the person, if you are to go with  the Muslim guy it  depends on you, what are your values ? can you cope with him being a Muslim? will it have an effect on your faith ? have you both spoken about it? Does he expect you to convert to Islam after marriage? If he does are you okay with that? When the children comes what religion will they practice….. is his family and your family okay with the both of you getting married? …. the Bible says except two people agree they cannot walk together….. do you both agree ?  Also for the Igbo guy are you willing to accept his cheating nature , because even of you marry him he won’t change, so you have to be sure that you can cope with him cheating and not  cry wolf after he marriage after all he has shown you his true colours. Now. There are so many questions that you need to answer to, your answer will determine your next step 




I would suggest that you take this time to concentrate on your self and your child, and also concentrate on giving him the best in life, also you have a bright future ahead of you and  after thinking about this and you feel that you can’t cope with any of them you can decide to let go of the both of them. it is not compulsory that you choose any of these two men, I am very sure that you will still meet different people and who knows you will most likely meet someone who is better than them, so  take your time. As  for age not been on your side, it is better to take your time and make the right choice than rush into a marriage that you will regret for the rest of your life








That’s it for this episode of #AskToun Anything. You can also drop your thoughts, comments  and advice below. Feel free to send in your burning questions through our contact form.


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Olatoun Ayoola is a Relationship and Marriage Counselor, a Sex Therapist, Family life Coach and Blogger that specializes in providing hope, support and guidance for individuals and couples, both in and out of marriages, relationships and their sex life, and also to help them live a fulfilling and enriching life.